BOOM! It’s 2016 people and just where the hell did 2015 go?!
Those of you who care, as well as the more observant of you, will have noticed that I spent most of 2015 doing something other than writing super awesome content for the UCHG. Yes I made the odd appearance in a few videos throughout the year but other than that I went 10 months providing fuck all. “Where were you?” I hear you cry – Well, we will get to that, but first I have some catching up to do on what’s been going down since I was away.
They say that January can be one of the most depressing months of the year, they also say that Red Bull gives you wings and diesel cars get good scores on emissions tests… To help with those January blues Fen provided a link to over 200 MS-DOS games to help you fill your days with retro gaming goodness. He is a nice boy.
I also took the opportunity to bring some joy to our viewers, and myself (no no, not that kind of self induced joy) with my newly acquired buddy – Buckley the Pug!
Look at his little dog face!
Buck was the perfect subject for another game of Which is Better?. Pitted up against a copy of Winter Based Activities or Die there was to be only one winner. The grunty little blighter!
Little did you know that this would be my last post for the year. To be honest I was also unaware of this fact. I had no idea that the little idea I had floating around the back of my head would grow to such an enormous size and consume all of my spare time!
Before my departure I gave Ross and Fen a good run for their money in the creative department. After taking a week out from life I created the mighty Zapper Lamp
I am still outrageously proud of this despite it’s immense cock blocking powers. No I wont remove my toy gun lamp from the bedside table! Maybe you should leave now….
As is fast becoming a tradition, only one game was played in March. This year it was down to Ross who got his secret agent on and dispatched many nameless goons whilst completing Counterspy on the PS.
That is all.
This happened in April
It is exactly as it looks – I drilled some holes in some wood and stuck my knob through them. Why? We will get to that later.
Fen could no longer fight the urges and finally filmed himself Beat-ing it. This of course was all aimed at ticking number 94 off the 1001 list and absolutely nothing to do with what you were thinking – you dirty bastard.
Saying that Fen has since been very cagey about leaving his phone unattended…
We took an early summer holiday in June. Whilst the rest of the UCHG took a break I continued with the execution of my plan…
By the time we hit July I was well and truly gone. My plan was in full swing but I had hit a problem – I needed wood. I needed so much wood I would be unable to get a hold of it all on my own, I needed help. I needed Steve.
On hearing about my desire for some serious wood Steve came up with an idea. Within hours we were in a car park with a back seat practically overflowing with all the wood I could ever want or need. What a friend!
Preparations for the first member of the UCHG turning 30 were the focus of August. To celebrate this Fen curated possibly the finest list of LAN games ever seen and suggested we go right back to our beginnings and take this Birthday LAN outside!
The list of games soon grew and as the month drew to a close, after many hours of installing, testing, swearing and patching. We were ready to go.
Sadly the weather defeated us when it came to our outside 30th birthday LAN. Due to seemingly never ending rain we were forced to make it an inside affair. It was still awesome!
We also ticked off numbers 98 and 99 from the 1001 with Gauntlet and Gauntlet II.
If that wasn’t cool enough we also hit the hundred on the 1001 list with the mighty SEGA Rally!
Halloween – you all know what happens on Halloween. We play Splatterhouse. This year we started Splatterhouse 2 and of course got about half way through before getting stuck. Don’t worry, after the obligatory year’s practise we will be back to take this bitch down!
As the winter set in I spent many many hours is a cold workshop with nothing but a soldering iron and rage to keep me warm. After popping a few capacitors I had created this beauty.
It was a key step in my plan, one that would bring me close to its completion, but not close enough.
So this is Christmas, and what have you done? – Its all listed above actually, you just skipped down to the bottom didn’t you?
We rounded the year off as it started with Fen offering up more free games. This time it was Shadow Complex and its completion also ticked game 101 off the list. Only another 900 to go!
So there we have it, another year down and more games played. “But what of your disappearance?” Clearly I have been up to something. Something big, glorious and hugely satisfying [insert knob joke here].
If the clues above have not tipped you off then maybe you should take a little look at Twitter feed for a few more. You can find us @UCHG2008
All I can say for now is Happy New Year! and thank you for the continued love and support you have shown to the UCHG.
Stay tuned for the great reveal of my plan early this year – you wont want to miss this!
Here’s something to bring joy to the world, or at least our very small corner of it in the UCHG. The new remaster of Shadow Complex is currently free to download – which you should do immediately.
Sometimes the list of 1001 Video Games You Must Play Before You Die brings interesting coincidences and occurrences. This is one of those times.
1001 No.101: Shadow Complex (2009)
Shadow Complex has been on my list for a while – it sounded ideal, a modern 2.5D shooter which harks back to Metroid days. I would’ve played it earlier, but for one problem – accessing it was a little troublesome, being an online XBOX360 marketplace-only download from 2009. I’ve been putting off any of these type from the 1001, being reluctant to give Microsoft A) any more money, and B) any more personal information than they’ve already acquired already.
So what could be more pleasing to see than the announcement that not only has the game been remastered, but that it is now available on PC, not just XBOX, and that it is free to download until 2016? Grab it here >
It’s a simple game at heart, but is particularly glorious in its simplicity. Controls are fluid, action is constant, and it’s a joy to explore the sprawling, uh, ‘complex’ that contains the majority of the gameplay.
The narrative is silly, at best. You are ‘some guy’, who chases ‘some girl’ into a cave – but not in a Bill Cosby way or anything. What you accidentally stumble upon is perhaps the most ludicrous, implausible and essentially ill-thought out terrorist plot to take over America – which you must of course put a stop to. There is a twist at the end which particularly laughable, in that I actually laughed in its face.
But don’t let that put you off. Shadow Complex is a brilliantly executed platformer, with more than a touch of Super Metroid’s influence. The level of difficulty ramps up as you progress, making it a challenge but never a chore; and as you unlock more abilities, more of the titular complex becomes accessible to you – with each ability bringing more fun than the last.
I put a rocket in a guy’s face, then dropped kicked another off a cliff. What more do you need? It’s free. It’s fun. Go get it.
Perhaps you thought that we, and Vin/Rick Diesel, were done. Think again. It’s Slatterween for Halloween!
Continuing the famous seasonal tradition of putting a masked Vin Diesel (or is that his real face?) through the horrific trials contained within sprawling and infested mansions, we return to the Splatterhouse.
Is Vin/Rick’s girlfriend still alive after all? Will we even find out? Will this take yet another year? Yes.
Enjoy, and happy Halloween from the UCHG.
Game Over, Yeah! What a rebellious yell in the face of adversity.
So what if you didn’t yet reach the top? You keep on going. Really it is the perfect marker as we reach the first major milestone on this incredible journey of playing (and documenting) the entire list of the “1001 Video Games You Must Play Before You Die”.
1001 No.100: Sega Rally Championship (1994)
And what is this marker? Why, of course, it is Sega Rally on that most supreme of mid-90s era consoles, the Sega Saturn. Relive with us those memories of gloomy arcades, the ear-shattering tunes blasting from those racing chairs complete with dubiously-placed handbrakes – as we play it on our Sega Saturn version. Yes, the draw distance is awful, the graphics and sound a mere shadow of the arcade original – but the spirit is still pure Sega Rally.
So that’s 100 games down, many more to go. We’ve ran the gauntlet, twice; beat it all over the Gameboy Advance; smashed the Hanger of Tony Hawk’s 2 in 2 mins flat; had some very bad times with superweapons; splattered our house all over the place; said farewell to THQ and the genius of Tom Clancy; got Mashed; been generally shit at California Games and Theme Park; lost our heads at Micro Machines 2 (and Mario Kart); and so much more that the major server meltdown of 2012 has consigned to history.
But we still will not rest; we will not desist from buying random old games, consoles, plastic accessories and other dust-magnets. As Tony Hawk himself would say – time to do the 900(+1). Game Over, Yeah!
MORE COLOURS! MORE LEVELS! MORE MEN! MORE STEPHEN HAWKING VOICE!
After we took down the original Gauntlet of 1985 that we found in a café (which would be number 98 from the ongoing 1001 challenge), we just couldn’t wait for more.
That’s right, we’re throwing down for
1001 No.99: Gauntlet II (1986)
Released just one year after the original, Gauntlet II expanded on the joy of the original, with its ripoff ethic of unlimited levels vs. your limited pocket money. Yes, it’s dated, and yes, you will tire of it eventually, but 4-player simultaneous coop just makes this one of the funniest games you’ll ever play.
It’s basically as old as we are, but slightly more mature. We met many of its endless levels with countless knob jokes, much childishness ensued when a game of tag was discovered, and Ross shot so much food that going to the shops with him must be a nightmare. Will it ever end? No.
— UCHG (@UCHG2008) August 1, 2015