“Who wants some?!”


We start in “The Abyss”, ominous as ever – also turns out it’s a sewer.

Since our last adventure I’ve returned to the level I was on and surpassed it a little. Duke is fully ass-kicking a multitude of different aliens now. So let us continue…

Missed part one? Go back and read it first.

Perched precariously on the edge of a chasm with nothing but radioactive waste beneath us, we reach the San Andreas Fault; right as an earthquake hits.


“Holy Shit” Duke cries out as the earthquake creates a path before us. We plunge head first into the waste below for a soft landing before carrying on.

There’s some hazardous platforming around a lava pit whilst trying to get inside some kind of giant alien pyramid. Naturally Aliens guard the entrance and once dispatched there seems to be nothing more inside the pyramid than a black hole…


Following the standard operating procedure for black holes within Alien pyramids we descend into the darkness…

A boss fight appears before us (answering the age old question of what lies at the other end of a black hole hidden in an Alien pyramid) and is quickly vanquished by way of rockets and the chain gun. As a means of reward for ruining the boss’ day we are presented with a posing shot of Duke and the good old wall of text (thanks Doom!).


“No one steals our chicks and gets away with it” – Damn right Duke.

LA Meltdown is complete!

Next stage:

Lunar Apocalypse


As the level title suggests we start on a space station and immediately turn around and board the shuttle that’s docked beside us. On board is a rocket launcher, steroids and a titty mag; exactly the same items packed by the UCHG on their trip to the Ukraine – the essentials!.

But wait! Turns out the aliens are already on the station and are tearing it up, Duke won’t stand for this and ‘cleanly’ dispatches them all with the aid of his trusty shotgun.


After playing this game for awhile you learn to check your corners at all times; there’s always some little alien fuck  in hiding.

Yeah, found the Shrink Ray gun in a secret place. Let’s squash some aliens “Come get some!“.

After stepping on a quite a few aliens (not with my gator’s on, just heavy boots) we pick up the Devastator. An accurate name for a weapon if ever I heard one. A rapid fire rocket launcher in both hands? Hell yeah!

There’s a big fat floating alien on some kind of hover-segway who seems to whisper the word ‘serpentine‘ to me. Maybe I’m hearing things…

This solitude and constant slaughtering may be getting to me, but we must press on. So we descend deeper into the space station…

Currently killed around 800 aliens and counting.


To Be Continued…..

Fat Abbot

It’s Halloween – Splatter your house

It’s that time of year – Halloween. Of course, the day has taken on a new meaning nowadays.

Some more cynical than we might say that it’s become a corporate whore – purposefully taken from its original meaning.

Fortunately, some of us still want to keep that original purpose alive – and that’s to play some spooky retro games. So here it is:

1001 No.86: ‘Splatterhouse’ (1988)

Page 11 of 24« First...101112...20...Last »