The UCHG 2013 Retro-Spective

UCHG

Come and join the UCHG as they take a saunter back through the twelve months that were 2013.

January

The month of eternal darkness. After the ruthless and unprovoked attack of December 2012 the UCHG was in Terminator Repair Mode.

February

There were no screams. There was no time. The UCHG was back! Starting the year off with a good old fashioned declaration of War. The UCHG had dragged itself back from the brink. It was back bigger, better, faster and stronger. There was even talk of it being harder!

It was also the month to make a bid for freedom with the outstanding puzzler Escape Goat

escape-featured

March

The wait was finally over as Hitman Absolution landed and provided the answer to the most important question of all – Is it better than Blood Money?

Two Thief games were ticked of the 1001 games list whilst Brad discovered how bad he is at Mario on the Game Boy.

March also saw the addition of new member to the UCHG Team.

April

April kicked off with the UCHG getting Mashed

Ross destroyed Crazy Taxi getting to the end in 5 minuets! and Brad confessed to his love of Boys – Game Boys.

To finish things off Fen played so much GTA it was criminal… He also ticked a fair few off the 1001 list in the process.

May

Years of searching came to an end when a decent CRT TV was secured and the light gaming could commence.

There was of course only one game to play – Duck Hunt

TV

June

Yet another N64 was added to the collection bringing the total up to 3! Fen had so many questions but so little Pi after picking up one of the tiny beasts. He also found time to tick House of the Dead Overkill off the 1001 list.

July

A month of mixed emotions and bum sex..

It is said that the almighty Ross took six days to create the Earth and on the seventh day he played Reus

THQ was no more and Brad posted an interesting screenshot from Hitman Absolution

buger

August

The UCHG discovered that Twitter is not the space between your Twat and your Shitter – that is your perineum. Upon discovering this they provided some recommendations from the Retro Gaming Twitterverse.

The ATARI Lynx was a welcomed addition to the collection as well as an introduction to some classic titles such as Ninja Gaiden, Xybots and Hard Drivin’

Lynx + Games

September

September was all about one thing – Zombies!

The men of the UCHG survived the Zombie apocalypse in a fight to the death staged at a disused Shopping Mall in Reading.

the_mall

In other news Red Faction: Guerilla became the 81st game to be struck off of the 1001 list.

October

Was the month that Tom Clancy passed away so a special memorial video was posted in honor of his greatness.

Ross embarked on a mission to play through Duke Nukem 3D and Wave Race 64 was revisited with hilarious results.

As Halloween was upon us it was only fitting to roll up our sleeves and hit the Splatterhouse

November

Into November and the videos kept coming. This time GoldenEye on the N64 and the worst idea the UCHG has ever had – Super Weapons.

Ross continued to kick ass and chew gum in his quest to finish to Duke Nukem 3d. Fen remembered the Playstaion in all its forms whilst Brad played scrabble…

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December

With Christmas looming Fen looked back at the Die Hard series of games as well s finding time to tick the truly pointless Spider: The Secret of Bryce Manor off the 1001 list. It was not a total waste of time as he also discovered the truly epic Desert Bus at the same time.

The final video of the year came in the form of Mario Kart on the N64. There is no better way to end a year then by driving in to your own green shell…

And so there you have it. Another 12 months of retro gaming goodness have been and gone. The passing of another year means more games slip into the realms of retro to be enjoyed once again by the UCHG.

We would like to thank everyone for their support throughout 2013. For all the site views, comments, tweets and emails we are truly grateful.

Happy New Year!

Ho Ho Ho, now I have a machine gun

Fat Abbot

Every year we like to remember the man who nearly died for our sins on several occasions.

The bald man with the vest, who every year brings us tidings of joy and the dispatching of bad people. I’m talking of course about John McClane, who visits our homes every Christmas due to the perpetual screenings of Die Hard.

So in this spirit of Christmas, I’d like to just relive some of the efforts of the games I remember that have tried to capture the essence of McClane’s adventures…

Die Hard Arcade, 1996

die hard acr (1)

Ahh Die Hard Arcade. It holds a special place in my heart as it was the original arcade machine game that the UCHG painstakingly restored back to life. Bit of an odd one though this one, it’s not really Die Hard at all – in actual fact it is Dynamite Deka, a Japanese beat em up hastily given the Die Hard license to help it sell.

die hard acr (2)

Pretty damn good fun though – it’s like Streets of Rage but in 3D. 2-player coop action, tons of weapons, hilarious fights, all in all it’s a blast. If you make it to the end with both players still alive, you have to fight eachother, Double Dragon style.

There was a sequel too: Dynamite Cop (or Dynamite Deka 2), was released for arcades and Dreamcast in 1998 without the Die Hard license.

Die Hard Trilogy, 1996

What is it with 1996 and Die Hard games? A year after the 3rd movie, it was probably fresh in people’s minds. I remember this one most because it was on an early PS1 demo disc.

die hard tri (1)

Die Hard Trilogy is what it suggests, 3 games based on the 3 movies in the series: a 3rd person shooter in Nakatomi Plaza; an ‘on-rails shooter’ (a bit like Time Crisis) in an airport for Die Hard 2: Die Harder; and a driving game for Die Hard: With a Vengeance to blow up bombs with your taxi.

die hard tri (2)

They’ll all pretty damn basic games, there’s not even a suggestion of a story, and they’ve all seriously dated, but they’re still lots of fun.

Die Hard: Nakatomi Plaza, 2002

naka 1 (1)

Why release a Die Hard game 14 years after the movie? Who knows. But this is actually the closest to the film out of all of these here – they even got one of the original actors back for it (hint – it wasn’t Bruce Willis or Alan Rickman). The story and memorable lines are there as you remember, with a few bits of extra padding of course – even the classic ending shot of Rickman falling of the roof.

naka 1 (2)

Terrible AI, awful weapons, boring corridors – but weirdly I enjoy it. Something about it still says Die Hard to me – whether it’s the presence of the Zippo lighter, throwing bad guys off roofs. You even hold the gun lefthanded like Brucie. This actually feels like you’re in Nakatomi Plaza, and for me that’s a win.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

naka 1 (4)

So that’s my Die Hard roundup. There have been a few more besides, but these are the ones that I recall most fondly. If you have your own favourites for Christmas, let us know in the comments.

Fat Abbot

Mario Kart 64

This was always going to happen of course, the Mario Kart 64 showdown.

We’ve visited Mario Kart before, back on the Snes – and Ross’s anger certainly did make a reappearance this time. But Mario Kart 64 is the king, the undisputed champion of battle modes. So here it is! Witness the UCHG have a head-to-head-to-head, and see who ends up victorious.

1001 No.89: ‘Mario Kart 64’ (1997, N64)

Desert Bus

Fat Abbot

The steam autumn sale has arrived, and of course this is a huge strain on any respectable gamer’s wallet.

But one constant temptation even greater than steam is the humble bundle.

For those not in the know, the humble bundle is a regular sale of mostly (but not always) independent games, with a great philosophy: they’re always DRM free, they’re ‘pay what you want‘, and every time you buy something money goes to charity. It’s a win-win-win.

The current sale is for a bunch of android games, including one off the 1001 list I’d been meaning to try:

1001 No.88: ‘Spider: The Secret of Bryce Manor’ (2009, iOS)

spider1

Though frankly it’s not worth your time. You’re a spider that has to go around trapping insects by making webs. There’s no danger; little wit required; I just don’t get it.

I put it down to the fact that *MAC BASHING ALERT* it originally came out on iOS, so iPhone users who played it probably thought using a touchscreen was amazing – they don’t really know what games are after all.

spider2

Spider is so lame I’d rather play one of the other games in the bundle: DESERT BUS.

desertbus2

Oh shit desert bus is so extreme – drive a bus in realtime across the desert for 8 actual real life hours.

It was originally created for Penn and Teller as a joke, but a joke that ended up raising tons of money through re-releases and charitable challenges. Over its lifetime Desert Bus has raised nearly $2m for charity.

Fuck yeah desert bus!

Pvt.Party

It was Inevitable

It all started with the words Ming and Whim – Then it all went wrong.

It was the realisation that the E could be added to the end of Ming that opened the floodgates. Soon turns where being skipped, letters exchanged and opponents united in the quest for the “best” words.

Who would have thought that the free EA Scrabble game could be so much fun…

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